The Voice of Shame
Last week I strolled through the grocery store checkout line and my eyes were drawn to a magazine designed to make every woman in America feel guilty. You know the kind. It’s one with the super model on the cover looking like she was dipped in bronze. Her white teeth, hair, and perfect body make you think, She looks like she doesn’t have any problems. I bet her friends are nice and her boyfriend is amazing.
While I waited in line to pay for my apples and potato chips, I was mentally drawn to compare my body to hers. My hips used to look like that and my hair used to be that long and beautiful. By the time I reached the cashier, there was a little voice of shame inside me saying, You are not enough.
No one is a stranger to the voice of shame because it’s the voice of the Accuser in Revelation 12:10. It’s the voice that reminds you that you just don’t cut it. It speaks to both men and women through cultural messages saying that to be enough they’ve got to look perfect. It’s the voice that says, Your nose is too big; your lips are too small. You need this pumped up and that deflated. You need plastic surgery—and you definitely don’t have a body like Ms. “I’m-on-the-Cover-of-Vogue.” You really should be ashamed of yourself.
It wouldn’t be so horrible if the goal of the voice of shame was just to make you feel bad. If that were true, every woman would see the magazine, feel a twinge of guilt, then go on her merry way without thinking about it again. But the goal of the voice of shame is always to make you own shame because when you do, then shame can control you. And control is always the goal of the voice of shame because when you are controlled you cannot fulfill God’s purposes for your life.
No doubt, the woman or man who is controlled by the voice of shame and obsesses about their waistlines will neglect important issues that are close to the heart of God.
For example, when shame drives body image, then your relationships could suffer. When you should be worrying about caring for someone’s emotional and spiritual needs, your energy will be focused on yourself. When shame drives body image, you may spend an obsessive amount of time at the gym when you should live a more balanced life to fulfill your God-given purpose. Shame can drive us to become obsessed and obsession always leads to being out of balance. This is not God’s plan.
To move toward a biblical standard for body image, we have to move away from “It’s all about me” to “It’s all about God.” When we embrace our value in Christ and we make the most important things most important, we will care for our bodies, which are the temples of the Holy Spirit so we can do God’s work, but we will not be obsessed about it.
Questions for Reflection:
Do you feel that the culture has influenced you to focus more on your physical appearance than is spiritually or emotionally healthy? If so, what is one way that you can bring balance to your life?
Wow, you hit my soft spot. That voice of shame…”you are not good enough,” you are not smart,” and the list goes on….. I have always known that those feelings were straight from satan. I guess I forget that when I let all that negative stuff fill my head I cannot fulfill God’s purpose for my life.
Thank you so much for the reminder.
~M
Hi, Michele.
Thanks so much for your comment. I am very glad that this blog spoke to you. I completely relate; we can hear accusation so much in our minds that we soon start to own it without paying attention to its origin. May God bless you more and more with peace as YOU are His beautiful creation!
Shana
Shana, thank you for your insight. From this day forward I will focus on praising him and refuse to own the shame any longer. I know I am gloriously and wonderfully made. You have successfully defined my struggle and shared encouragement. Thank you and God bless you!
Praise God, Lynette! He is so very, very good. This just blesses my socks off to know that the Lord has ministered to you today. Thanks for your note.
Blessings,
Shana
And, this message is not just for women. Your blog has given me insight into my grandson and his obsession with “a six-pack” and going to the gym!
Emily,
Thanks so much for your comment and for the reminder that everyone has heard the Voice of Shame. It sounds like your grandson is fortunate to have a grandmother who cares enough to notice him.
Bless you,
Shana
Thank you so much Shana for this Word from God. Recently God had been taking me through as intensive soul searching exercise regarding how I feel about myself and especially my body. Your message only verified the horrible way I was treating myself because of shame…. I wouldn’t wear pretty clothes, I wouldn’t participate in social functions. I hid myself from certain environments. I had kept thinking that one day when I was “the right size” or as the article said “good enough” then I would warrent the reward of pretty clothes and social involvement. Well thank God I’m delivered!!! No more bondage…. not more fear…. I am free to be me. Thank you for the article, It bore witness and confirmed the marvelous work my Jesus is doing in us all. It BLESSED ME!
Hi, Deborah.
Thank you so much for writing. It is so awesome how God confirms the work that He is doing in us and it’s wonderful how God is putting the pieces together so that you understand the big picture and where the deception has taken place. The truth indeed sets us free. I am happy for you.
Shana
Even when I think I don’t have a problem with looks, little things–like seeing pictures of me with my new hair and thinking how “ugly” why can’t I look like Jamie Lee Curtis –can cause a niche the enemy can use to get at me throughout the day. I have to remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and my God knows all about my medical problems and extended conditions.
Carolyn,
You ARE beautiful. I love the reminder of being fearfully and wonderfully made. When I think that we are created, it is completely mind-blowing. We are the fingerprint of God. We have His breath in us. So incredible. May this encourage you and I am saying a prayer for you right now about the medical conditions you mention.
Bless you, Carolyn.
Shana
Wow! What a BLESSING YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!
Betty,
Well, it totally blesses me for you to say that. THANKS! I am glad God has spoken to you through the blog.
Shana
It seems to me that even if your physical appearance is “ok”, there are still ways to be made to feel “not good enough”! Working in corporate America, I’ve experienced that when you’re asked to handle 25 different tasks a day and someone decides…yeah it should be 35-40, you’re not good enough if you can’t take on more. Simply raising expectations and not re-evaluating them seems to becoming more prevalent in many aspects of our culture. We can either choose to believe the lie that we are not good enough or HIS truth that we are a made in HIS own image!
Hi, Karl.
I agree. There is always somewhere that we can feel shame. Other people can put shame on us, expectations can put shame on us, our culture, what is said, what isn’t said, rejection, etc. The list is endless. But indeed, the key is accepting what He says is true of us. When we live before God and others with a clear conscience, doing our best and honoring God, it’s easier to accept the truth of who we are as well.
Blessings to you this New Year!
Shana
I was convicted of the sin of gluttony, I was horrified at one point at what I was doing to myself and what being obese was doing to my testimony. Spiritual shame was a major reason for my major weight loss. Otherwise I agree completely with your very well written article. I also feel shame for obese Christians. I feel this is a sin in the church that is not being addressed. Thanks for letting us comment.
Hi, Sheri.
You make a great point, that shame can lead us to both extremes: of being overly concerned about body image, or experiencing gluttony. I pray that God will give you a voice to share with others about how can change be real!
Thanks for stopping by. We always welcome your comments.
Shana
Don’t let shame own you. Hmmm. That’s pretty insightful!
Thanks for that, Frank! Thanks for visiting us at Blueprint for Life.
Thanks for this post! I know you spoke about body image but I get the same messages from all those magazines on organizing. This is a great reminder to put it all in God’s hands and not get down about what the world tells me I “need” to be. I’m not saying be organized is bad, but I don’t have to beat myself up for not being Martha Stewart
.
Thanks for sharing this comment. I thought this was a very interesting perspective on various ways shame can manifest itself. In the age of social media, I know I’ve heard from a few people who are fighting “Pinterest guilt” for not being like Martha Stewart. One of the beautiful things about the Gospel message is that God has all designed us with unique talents and skills and even spiritual gifts. We cannot all be Martha Stewart, nor should we want to be. There is so much beauty in the diversity of the Church. 1 Corinthians 12:12-31
hit me hard. my husband pretty much just talked me into plastic surgery to fix my chin. I am still struggling with the decision i made to continue to have it done. He is not a believer. Part of me wanted to have it done–i guess i convinced myself! It is still healing…and what is done is done.
Hi, Donna.
Thanks for your post. As I read your note, I couldn’t help but think about the internal messages that we receive related to shame. I pray that as you seek God, that He will reveal the truth to you about who you are and your priceless value! You are loved and beautiful!
Shana
While I agree with all the posts thus far, I find it surprising that not a single person has spoken about the issue of the media and how it is abused to manipulate our self-image. Frankly, when I see those pictures, I think, “How much did they airbrush THAT one?” I heard recently that a group of models got together to protest the airbrushing of their images. Good for them – we all need to see some more realistic images of human beings everywhere! That being said, however, I can relate to the writer who spoke of the shame of gluttony. I know we all hear that our bodies are temples, but until we start treating them that way, we will continue to be the architects of our own physical self-destruction, whether it is holding ourselves up to an unnatural standard of beauty, or some other bad health habit.
Hi, Sharon.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful post. What you say is so true. I have recently heard of organizations being called on the carpet for their unrealistic representation of their models. It is definitely important to treat our bodies with respect so that we can serve God and others well.
Great words you write. Thanks for sharing. Come back and see us again, okay?
Shana
Wow.. I needed that.. Being healthy is good.. But not to the point it’s takes our eyes off of what’s most important in life.. Which is God and family.. Thanks so much for this post.. God bless..
Hi, Regina.
So true. We want to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others, but you are so right. Balance is key!
Blessings,
Shana
I used to be so full of shame about my body, I would cancel plans for the night due to seeing myself as fat. When I was born again, God showed me in Scripture how we see ourselves through shame. In Genesis he points out before sin Adam and Eve were naked and had no shame, then after sin they clothed themselves and realized they were naked. They saw themselves differently after sin. So as I repented and had my shame lifted I started to see my real beauty and now I am okay being a bit overweight and I leave the house with no makeup and feel confident in my appearance. I also had to let go of shame I took ownership of that wasn’t even mine. In Ezekiel 28 it shows how Satan compensated for his sin by focusing on his beauty and God threw him to the earth, so it makes sense to me that he would be such an influence on us and draw us to fall as he had and to overcompensate with our looks trying to hide who we really are because of the shame we have because of our sin. Now I teach Biblical skincare classes to help other women see this message come alive in their lives.
Tabitha,
How awesome that God has taken you down a path to understand your true beauty. My mom used to always tell me, “God doesn’t make junk!” So true. And, it’s wonderful that you are encouraging other women. Keep it up! And thanks for stopping by Blueprint for Life. We are thankful you are here.
Shana Schutte
I was stunned to read this article. I say that to myself all the time … I am not enough. It is very defeating but it is the way I feel. I am single and middle aged and feel like I have been left behind. I don’t understand why God would not answer my prayers for a good Christian husband for so many years. I am tired of the life I lead but I don’t see how anything can be any different.
Hi, Carol.
My heart goes out to you. I am single, have never been married, and am also am in the “middle years” of life. It is so very difficult to understand these things at times–and they can be painful for sure! I know first hand it can be so very difficult walking the line between desire and ignoring one’s desires to function without being sad for what we don’t have. When you mention that you are tired of the life you lead, what are you specifically referring to? I ask because that may help me encourage you a little better. May God comfort you as you remember that He is not withholding from you. God isn’t ignoring you. He hasn’t forgotten you.
Blessings, Carol. Thank you for your note.
Shana