Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe.”

I used to think that Proverbs 29:25ers—or those who struggled with the fear of man, what others think, and people pleasing—would be easy to spot. I was sure all of them talk softly, avoid confrontation at all costs, and take a back seat to let others who are louder and more assertive lead.

But I was wrong.

Two Types of Pleasers

I once took a test on the fear of man which consisted of 40 true-false statements. What surprised me is that it not only included statements like “I am concerned about what others think of me” and “I am passive and allow other people to make decisions for me,” but also “I find myself working more hours than I should” “I find myself boasting or exaggerating about my accomplishments” and “I find myself talking when I should be listening.”

What this test revealed is that someone who struggles with the fear of man–and thereby people pleasing–doesn’t have to be timid; they can also be performance driven, perfectionistic (they look like they have it all together) and dominating, because they are trying to impress. Sometimes the person who seems confident can fear what others think as much as the quiet person who won’t step up and lead. Being quiet is not proof of insecurity just as being outgoing is not proof of security.

I have to admit during two very different life seasons that I played the part of both types of pleasers. Since then I have learned that the person who is free from the fear of man and people pleasing is comfortable in their own skin and in their relationship with God. They know He is in control so they can trust Him to fulfill His plans for their life. For this reason, they can move forward in confidence without being hindered by what others think.

Set Free from the Trap

Matthew Henry, the great theologian said, “Abraham, for fear of man denied his wife, Peter his Master, and many a one his God and religion. We are encouraged to depend on the power of God which would keep us from all that fear of man that has either torment or temptation in it.”

When we fear what others think, we are vulnerable and just like Henry says, torment and temptation will be our companions. We’ll be tormented by what people think of us, or tempted to do what we wouldn’t normally do because of what people think of us. Torment and temptation both lead to being trapped like Proverbs 29:25 describes. Being trapped means we aren’t controlled by the Holy Spirit. And, when we aren’t controlled by the Holy Spirit, we’ll make decisions that we shouldn’t make; we’ll stop taking risks we should take; we’ll become paralyzed by decision making; accept the advice of others when we shouldn’t. We’ll abandon our dreams—and we’ll miss God’s purposes for our lives.

To maintain focus and be the best you can be for Christ; love others but don’t be a people pleaser. Please God instead.

Additional Resources

You were made by God and for God.  It is only in God that we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and our destiny.  The Blueprint for Life eight week study is designed to help you determine what God’s will is for your life. It features weekly Bible study lessons and has 10 audio messages from Andy Stanley, Louie Giglio, Tony Evans, John Maxwell and others.  CLICK HERE to check it out!